A disturbing trend
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- Category: Philosofaith
- Written by M. U. Ndagi
- Hits: 947
The rate of divorce cases in recent times especially among Muslim communities in northern Nigeria is quite alarming; thus, giving us some concern. A research conducted in Kano in 2008 by the Kano State Directorate of Societal Re-orientation reveals that out of every two marriages, a divorce is recorded. Indeed, another research claims that only about 32% of Marriages in Kano survive after a period of three-six months. This statistically means that about 2/3 of marriages collapse before the 180th day of brides in their matrimonial homes. Many young girls of 20-25 years of age who are divorcees in Kano are said to have gone through three marriages, at least, making it a very disturbing trend. One conservative opinion argues that there are more divorcees than weddings in Kano every week; a situation that has turned Kano into what a writer describes as a “divorce factory”. While these figures are reflective of the situation in Kano, it represents though on a larger scale what perhaps obtains in other Muslim communities in the northern part of the country.
Beside the fact that divorce though halal (permitted) is the most hateful act in the sight of Allah (SWT), the phenomenon becomes more worrisome when its negative consequences are put into perspective. Scientific study of maladjusted personality as manifest, for instance, in juvenile delinquency is most often traced to broken homes. If, today, most people accept that our value system has collapsed due to failure by various family components of the society to shoulder their moral responsibilities; the situation can better be imagined in the face of an alarming rate of breakdown of marriages. Social scientists argue that there is always a link between criminal acts in children/youths and their immediate social environment in which they grew (or are still growing) up.Unless we desire to breed generations of armed robbers, thugs, dupes, hooligans, kidnappers, school drop-outs, vandals and cultists; we must have a re-think of the divorce option by critically looking into some of the plausible factors that lead to it with a view to curbing the trend. Many of these divorcees are left, after divorce, to fend for their children. Some of them, in order to meet up with the demands of their liabilities resort to adultery and other immoral acts, which again has chains of negative consequences for the woman, the children and the society.
The lack of proper training and modest upbringing of children by many parents accounts later for most of the matrimonial crises experienced by young couples. Some parents are just too busy to inculcate universal values such as respect for elders, courtesy, etc, in their children. The time which such parents should have spent on monitoring their children is rather utilized in traveling to Europe, Dubai and other parts of the Middle East, in desperate search for wealth they do not relatively require in order to survive. Female children from such families sometimes do not even know how to cook because their mothers would insist that the maids in the house do the cooking. This is one simple but serious matter that could lead to divorce especially if the husband is short of patience. Nothing angers a married man easily on the dining table than a poorly prepared meal.
There is also a misconstrued feeling among contemporary women about their rights. Many, particularly the educated among them, feel they have equal rights with men in the home. Rights of men and women can be said to be equal in matters of religious worship. Whatever is obligatory on men about prayer (salat), (zakaat), fasting (sawm) and pilgrimage (hajj) is also compulsory on women. But outside this, their rights are not equal but rather virtual. It is not a mistake when Allah (SWT) mentions in the Qur’an that “men are protectors over women…” There is great wisdom in Allah’s decision to give men and women proportional responsibilities which determine their respective rights and duties as husbands who feed, clothe and shelter their wives; and as wives who make and keep the home. But some educated women of today want to claim rights that do not naturally belong to them when actually they do not even know where their “celebrated rights” begin or end. This, in essence, also causes crisis in the home especially where and when the husband knows much about his rights and duties as well.
It also creates problems in the home when a woman fails to have a firm control over her husband, the ultimate wish of most women; as if it were part of the fundamental principles of marriage in Islam. The belief of some women, today, is that the success of a marriage lies in a woman’s ability to control or put the husband under her command. Such women presume that a marriage is not successful if a wife has limited or no control over her husband. The teachings of Islam do not provide for a woman to play this kind of role in the home even though some men provide the enabling environment for their wives to behave in that manner. Another dangerous dimension to this trend is a modern fashion where married women build their own houses, sometimes without the knowledge of the husband, to live separately away from him and to free themselves from his “lousy” rules of decorum. What, for Allah’s sake, is driving our women this wild?
Some of the factors discussed above are borne out of crazy materialistic tendencies in contemporary women. They want to live a life that culturally and religiously does not belong to them. It is the same tendency that makes some of them become victims of the deceitful game of courtship played by those who come to seek their hands in marriage. Such marriages collapse few months or even weeks after wedding after the bride would have lately discovered the reality she refused to acknowledge. The influence of implied tools of westernization (such as satellite TV stations, the internet and the mobile cell phones) on our women cannot similarly be isolated from the factors responsible for the high incidence of divorce in recent times.
Men must exercise much restraint in matters of divorce. Infact, he is not a man who cannot keep a woman as a wife. Divorce must be seen as the last but painful means of ending a marriage; not as an instrument of threat or oppression against women. Husbands and wives must learn to live with each other according to the teachings of Qur’an and Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). They must resolve to address all the issues raised in this discourse. While respect must be mutual, wives must accord their husbands the equitable esteem they deserve. However, the issues seem to demand more from women because of their link to the factors outlined. A woman should learn not to lay out catalogue of problems before her husband as soon as he returns from work. That can sometimes cause trouble. We also appeal to judges, who indiscriminately facilitate the termination of marriages in their courts to, as a matter of responsibility, fear Allah (SWT) as they hear and dispose of divorce suits. May Allah (SWT) guide us all in our matrimonial life, amin.
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A disturbing trend
Category: Philosofaith Written by M. U. Ndagi Hits: 947
The rate of divorce cases in recent times especially among Muslim communities in northern Nigeria is quite alarming; thus, giving us some concern. A research conducted in Kano in 2008 by the Kano State Directorate of Societal Re-orientation reveals that out of every two marriages, a divorce is recorded. Indeed, another research claims that only about 32% of Marriages in Kano survive after a period of three-six months. This statistically means that about 2/3 of marriages collapse before the 180th day of brides in their matrimonial homes. Many young girls of 20-25 years of age who are divorcees in Kano are said to have gone through three marriages, at least, making it a very disturbing trend. One conservative opinion argues that there are more divorcees than weddings in Kano every week; a situation that has turned Kano into what a writer describes as a “divorce factory”. While these figures are reflective of the situation in Kano, it represents though on a larger scale what perhaps obtains in other Muslim communities in the northern part of the country.
Beside the fact that divorce though halal (permitted) is the most hateful act in the sight of Allah (SWT), the phenomenon becomes more worrisome when its negative consequences are put into perspective. Scientific study of maladjusted personality as manifest, for instance, in juvenile delinquency is most often traced to broken homes. If, today, most people accept that our value system has collapsed due to failure by various family components of the society to shoulder their moral responsibilities; the situation can better be imagined in the face of an alarming rate of breakdown of marriages. Social scientists argue that there is always a link between criminal acts in children/youths and their immediate social environment in which they grew (or are still growing) up.Unless we desire to breed generations of armed robbers, thugs, dupes, hooligans, kidnappers, school drop-outs, vandals and cultists; we must have a re-think of the divorce option by critically looking into some of the plausible factors that lead to it with a view to curbing the trend. Many of these divorcees are left, after divorce, to fend for their children. Some of them, in order to meet up with the demands of their liabilities resort to adultery and other immoral acts, which again has chains of negative consequences for the woman, the children and the society.
The lack of proper training and modest upbringing of children by many parents accounts later for most of the matrimonial crises experienced by young couples. Some parents are just too busy to inculcate universal values such as respect for elders, courtesy, etc, in their children. The time which such parents should have spent on monitoring their children is rather utilized in traveling to Europe, Dubai and other parts of the Middle East, in desperate search for wealth they do not relatively require in order to survive. Female children from such families sometimes do not even know how to cook because their mothers would insist that the maids in the house do the cooking. This is one simple but serious matter that could lead to divorce especially if the husband is short of patience. Nothing angers a married man easily on the dining table than a poorly prepared meal.
There is also a misconstrued feeling among contemporary women about their rights. Many, particularly the educated among them, feel they have equal rights with men in the home. Rights of men and women can be said to be equal in matters of religious worship. Whatever is obligatory on men about prayer (salat), (zakaat), fasting (sawm) and pilgrimage (hajj) is also compulsory on women. But outside this, their rights are not equal but rather virtual. It is not a mistake when Allah (SWT) mentions in the Qur’an that “men are protectors over women…” There is great wisdom in Allah’s decision to give men and women proportional responsibilities which determine their respective rights and duties as husbands who feed, clothe and shelter their wives; and as wives who make and keep the home. But some educated women of today want to claim rights that do not naturally belong to them when actually they do not even know where their “celebrated rights” begin or end. This, in essence, also causes crisis in the home especially where and when the husband knows much about his rights and duties as well.
It also creates problems in the home when a woman fails to have a firm control over her husband, the ultimate wish of most women; as if it were part of the fundamental principles of marriage in Islam. The belief of some women, today, is that the success of a marriage lies in a woman’s ability to control or put the husband under her command. Such women presume that a marriage is not successful if a wife has limited or no control over her husband. The teachings of Islam do not provide for a woman to play this kind of role in the home even though some men provide the enabling environment for their wives to behave in that manner. Another dangerous dimension to this trend is a modern fashion where married women build their own houses, sometimes without the knowledge of the husband, to live separately away from him and to free themselves from his “lousy” rules of decorum. What, for Allah’s sake, is driving our women this wild?
Some of the factors discussed above are borne out of crazy materialistic tendencies in contemporary women. They want to live a life that culturally and religiously does not belong to them. It is the same tendency that makes some of them become victims of the deceitful game of courtship played by those who come to seek their hands in marriage. Such marriages collapse few months or even weeks after wedding after the bride would have lately discovered the reality she refused to acknowledge. The influence of implied tools of westernization (such as satellite TV stations, the internet and the mobile cell phones) on our women cannot similarly be isolated from the factors responsible for the high incidence of divorce in recent times.
Men must exercise much restraint in matters of divorce. Infact, he is not a man who cannot keep a woman as a wife. Divorce must be seen as the last but painful means of ending a marriage; not as an instrument of threat or oppression against women. Husbands and wives must learn to live with each other according to the teachings of Qur’an and Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). They must resolve to address all the issues raised in this discourse. While respect must be mutual, wives must accord their husbands the equitable esteem they deserve. However, the issues seem to demand more from women because of their link to the factors outlined. A woman should learn not to lay out catalogue of problems before her husband as soon as he returns from work. That can sometimes cause trouble. We also appeal to judges, who indiscriminately facilitate the termination of marriages in their courts to, as a matter of responsibility, fear Allah (SWT) as they hear and dispose of divorce suits. May Allah (SWT) guide us all in our matrimonial life, amin.