Alone and loveless
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‘Am through Anti Bint, so I’m going to rush home before you finish your long Zikr.’ My niece Tauhida announced while folding the prayer carpet she used to observe her Asr.
‘But why the hurry? I thought you’ll stay a little longer so we can catch up on news and events. What are you rushing home to do when your husband is not even in town?’ I asked.‘I am hoping to be on time for the Oprah show which starts at 5pm.’ She explained.
‘The Oprah show is the reason you’d rather cut short our visit than stay and chat with me? I am truly amazed.’ I said in mock anger.
‘It isn’t what you think Anti, I have been following the series diligently I don’t want to miss an episode. Don’t worry, I’ll come again soon, then we can chat to our hearts’ content.’ She replied assuringly.
‘Better still why don’t you just watch the Oprah show here? I will leave you alone since I am not particularly fond of the programme. Then when you are through, we can talk for a while before you leave.’ I offered.
‘But as soon as Oprah is over I will be tuning to the other movie channel for Desperate Housewives. Then there is the musical comedy I hate to miss and .....’
‘What are you trying to say Tauhida?’ I interrupted her narration. ‘That you have the leisure to do all this film-viewing in a day?’
‘Yes Anti Bint, what else is there to do?’ she responded.
‘How can a married mother of four tell me she has nothing to do with life than waste it on television? What happens to your wifely and motherly roles?’ I demanded.
‘I am doing them to the best of my ability but I have to turn to TV to retain my sanity. It is my only escape in this tumultuous world.’ she explained dejectedly.
‘But how can this be? A lovely house, a comfortable life, four lovely children, an adoring husband and you have to live your life trying to escape into the unreal world of TV dramas and talk-shows?’ I queried.
‘Yes dear Aunt. You may find this hard to believe but my life is so empty and devoid of happiness that only a large dose of TV gives it any meaning. You know all my children are of school age. Once they leave for school in the morning I am confronted by my lonely and loveless life. My husband and I have grown so far apart I can’t tell whether we are quiet enemies or polite strangers. Certainly we are not friends. We hardly talk at all. And when we do it is him complaining about one thing or another or otherwise discussing strictly things that concern the kids. I used to sit and mourn over our loss of companionship, sometimes to the point of crying over the way we used to be. But today I have decided that he is not worth it because he doesn’t even seem to notice my pains.
The other day I was standing by the window when an innocent scene between our guard and his wife broke my heart. I don’t know what it was that they were struggling over, but she soon ran away and he sprinted after her and grabbed her by the shoulder. They fell down laughing and he opened her hand and took what it was he was after. Happily he shared it into two and gave her half. Then they walked back to their mat by the security post and sat down munching. I found the whole scene romantic and wished I was in her place. They may have little by way of material things but they certainly have love and happiness. I turned away from them and decided that I will strive to keep myself happy, whatever it takes, since I can find no happiness in my marriage to this man. l began to watch TV anytime any day. Initially in order to ease my sadness, then to while away the time till it’s time to sleep. But now it’s become an addiction, I can’t afford to miss any of the shows I find interesting. Whenever I do I have to make sure not to miss the repeat broadcast. At least each day I have something to look forward to.’ Tauhida concluded.
‘But do you realise that your life is no less empty now than it was before? All you did was to trade one empty life for another. It hasn’t made you less lonely or more loved or valued. The escape you’ve found through mentally living in Hollywood while physically being here is grand self-deception. And it can never give you any long term relief. Let me give you the perfect antidote for your kind of problem, it is called Zikr remembrance of Allah, yes the same Zikr you are kidding me over. Turn back to God and remember Him with the best of praises. He, SWT has said in the Holy Qur’an that it is only in His remembrance that hearts find peace. After regular Zikr, then find something to do with your life, may be some kind of work, that will occupy your mind and make you contribute positively to the society. It might even win you back the respect and admiration of your husband.’ I advised.
‘Work Anti Bint? Have you forgotten that the one condition Muktar demanded before our marriage was that I will be a full time housewife? Of course I know it was my fault that I agreed because I was too happy to care. But I don’t know how to bring that up without upsetting the delicate peace that our household enjoys.’ She argued.
‘I’m sorry I forgot all about that. But work isn’t all about finding an outside employment. Start doing something from home or join a voluntary organisation rendering free social services, then discuss with him your plans to join it. Convince him of the need to join and assure him you’ll be here for him and the children anytime. And you can even start from home. Find an hour each day, either early in the morning or in the evening to sit your children down and engage in some religious studies. Recite the holy Qur’an with them. Teach them the hadiths of the Prophet SAW, their meanings and the lessons contained in them. Also narrate to them the life story of the Prophets of Allah and other righteous people. This will serve both you and them infinitely better than all the talk shows and soap operas in the world.’ I urged.
‘Ok, I will try what you said Anti Bint, it just doesn’t seem as easy as you make it sound.’ Tauhida answered.
‘Who said it’s going to be easy? Nothing good comes easy my dear, but whatever you do in life that’s worthwhile cannot be achieved by remaining in your comfort zone. Nobody knows why your husband is behaving the way he’s doing but most times boredom is a key factor. Start doing something new and different and maybe that’s all you need to return the spark to your marriage. Just make sure to consult him first before you volunteer for anything outside. And I wish you best.’ I added.
‘Thanks Anti, but I’ve got to rush. Otherwise I will miss the whole of the Oprah show for today.’ She said rising to her to her feet.
‘Oprah show? I thought I’d just convinced you to forget TV and begin to live in the real world?’ I asked, dismayed.
‘Yes you did. Quiet successfully too. But I need to say farewell to them first Anti Bint, in order not to suffer withdrawal syndromes.’ She protested.
‘Oh yes, I forgot that like a real addict you need to be weaned off your addiction, bye and bissalam.’ I replied, hugging her at the doorstep before she walked to her car.
Articles
Alone and loveless
Category: Al-Bint's diary Written by Al-Bints diary Hits: 2098
‘Am through Anti Bint, so I’m going to rush home before you finish your long Zikr.’ My niece Tauhida announced while folding the prayer carpet she used to observe her Asr.
‘But why the hurry? I thought you’ll stay a little longer so we can catch up on news and events. What are you rushing home to do when your husband is not even in town?’ I asked.‘I am hoping to be on time for the Oprah show which starts at 5pm.’ She explained.
‘The Oprah show is the reason you’d rather cut short our visit than stay and chat with me? I am truly amazed.’ I said in mock anger.
‘It isn’t what you think Anti, I have been following the series diligently I don’t want to miss an episode. Don’t worry, I’ll come again soon, then we can chat to our hearts’ content.’ She replied assuringly.
‘Better still why don’t you just watch the Oprah show here? I will leave you alone since I am not particularly fond of the programme. Then when you are through, we can talk for a while before you leave.’ I offered.
‘But as soon as Oprah is over I will be tuning to the other movie channel for Desperate Housewives. Then there is the musical comedy I hate to miss and .....’
‘What are you trying to say Tauhida?’ I interrupted her narration. ‘That you have the leisure to do all this film-viewing in a day?’
‘Yes Anti Bint, what else is there to do?’ she responded.
‘How can a married mother of four tell me she has nothing to do with life than waste it on television? What happens to your wifely and motherly roles?’ I demanded.
‘I am doing them to the best of my ability but I have to turn to TV to retain my sanity. It is my only escape in this tumultuous world.’ she explained dejectedly.
‘But how can this be? A lovely house, a comfortable life, four lovely children, an adoring husband and you have to live your life trying to escape into the unreal world of TV dramas and talk-shows?’ I queried.
‘Yes dear Aunt. You may find this hard to believe but my life is so empty and devoid of happiness that only a large dose of TV gives it any meaning. You know all my children are of school age. Once they leave for school in the morning I am confronted by my lonely and loveless life. My husband and I have grown so far apart I can’t tell whether we are quiet enemies or polite strangers. Certainly we are not friends. We hardly talk at all. And when we do it is him complaining about one thing or another or otherwise discussing strictly things that concern the kids. I used to sit and mourn over our loss of companionship, sometimes to the point of crying over the way we used to be. But today I have decided that he is not worth it because he doesn’t even seem to notice my pains.
The other day I was standing by the window when an innocent scene between our guard and his wife broke my heart. I don’t know what it was that they were struggling over, but she soon ran away and he sprinted after her and grabbed her by the shoulder. They fell down laughing and he opened her hand and took what it was he was after. Happily he shared it into two and gave her half. Then they walked back to their mat by the security post and sat down munching. I found the whole scene romantic and wished I was in her place. They may have little by way of material things but they certainly have love and happiness. I turned away from them and decided that I will strive to keep myself happy, whatever it takes, since I can find no happiness in my marriage to this man. l began to watch TV anytime any day. Initially in order to ease my sadness, then to while away the time till it’s time to sleep. But now it’s become an addiction, I can’t afford to miss any of the shows I find interesting. Whenever I do I have to make sure not to miss the repeat broadcast. At least each day I have something to look forward to.’ Tauhida concluded.
‘But do you realise that your life is no less empty now than it was before? All you did was to trade one empty life for another. It hasn’t made you less lonely or more loved or valued. The escape you’ve found through mentally living in Hollywood while physically being here is grand self-deception. And it can never give you any long term relief. Let me give you the perfect antidote for your kind of problem, it is called Zikr remembrance of Allah, yes the same Zikr you are kidding me over. Turn back to God and remember Him with the best of praises. He, SWT has said in the Holy Qur’an that it is only in His remembrance that hearts find peace. After regular Zikr, then find something to do with your life, may be some kind of work, that will occupy your mind and make you contribute positively to the society. It might even win you back the respect and admiration of your husband.’ I advised.
‘Work Anti Bint? Have you forgotten that the one condition Muktar demanded before our marriage was that I will be a full time housewife? Of course I know it was my fault that I agreed because I was too happy to care. But I don’t know how to bring that up without upsetting the delicate peace that our household enjoys.’ She argued.
‘I’m sorry I forgot all about that. But work isn’t all about finding an outside employment. Start doing something from home or join a voluntary organisation rendering free social services, then discuss with him your plans to join it. Convince him of the need to join and assure him you’ll be here for him and the children anytime. And you can even start from home. Find an hour each day, either early in the morning or in the evening to sit your children down and engage in some religious studies. Recite the holy Qur’an with them. Teach them the hadiths of the Prophet SAW, their meanings and the lessons contained in them. Also narrate to them the life story of the Prophets of Allah and other righteous people. This will serve both you and them infinitely better than all the talk shows and soap operas in the world.’ I urged.
‘Ok, I will try what you said Anti Bint, it just doesn’t seem as easy as you make it sound.’ Tauhida answered.
‘Who said it’s going to be easy? Nothing good comes easy my dear, but whatever you do in life that’s worthwhile cannot be achieved by remaining in your comfort zone. Nobody knows why your husband is behaving the way he’s doing but most times boredom is a key factor. Start doing something new and different and maybe that’s all you need to return the spark to your marriage. Just make sure to consult him first before you volunteer for anything outside. And I wish you best.’ I added.
‘Thanks Anti, but I’ve got to rush. Otherwise I will miss the whole of the Oprah show for today.’ She said rising to her to her feet.
‘Oprah show? I thought I’d just convinced you to forget TV and begin to live in the real world?’ I asked, dismayed.
‘Yes you did. Quiet successfully too. But I need to say farewell to them first Anti Bint, in order not to suffer withdrawal syndromes.’ She protested.
‘Oh yes, I forgot that like a real addict you need to be weaned off your addiction, bye and bissalam.’ I replied, hugging her at the doorstep before she walked to her car.